Getting back to writing...

I can't believe it has been over a month since my last post,but things have been crazy. My new job has kept me really busy and all the travel I think has made my mom even worse. As I mentioned on the last post, my mom got physically violent and it happened again on a recent trip of mine to California. It is so hard for me because I know how awful it is for my wife and how hard it is for her being here without me, but also because I know that for my mom to act that way it really has to affect her in a big way, she would never ever act like that prior to the illness. I took her to a new psychiatrist today and he is putting her on a new medication as what she was on was not helping her with her mood. As I told the doctor, I know the (horrible) effects of Alzheimer's but if at least her outlook and overall mood is improved it will help. I hate it for her that she feels like we are against her or doing things that are not right when all we do is trying to do what is best for her and hopefully make her happy, at least a little.

We have also started to look at homes, we have come to the realization that no matter how much we think we can, we are not able to take care of her. In particular with all my travel, a lot of the heavy lifting falls on my wife which is not fair either. We also visited an adult day care, it is actually in the same senior center where she used to volunteer to teach Spanish classes, it was very nice and hope that if she starts going there it will help with keeping her busy and improve her mood too, right now she spends all day obsessing over little things and gets more aggravated.

One thing that I am trying to work on is for my son to be better with my mom, unfortunately being only three he responds to her moods and does not understand it is because she is sick, and so he does not want her around, which of course compounds the situation since she feels he does not love her.

Interesting week

So I started my new job this week, and I knew being gone would probably affect my mom but I had no idea how much. She actually had one of her worst episodes to date, packed all her things and said she was leaving, got very rude with my wife and actually hit her... to make things worse I was in the middle of my orientation when all of this was going on so felt totally helpless when my wife called to let me know what was going on. She really is putting up with a lot and being understanding, to be honest I don't know if I would have been so understanding if the roles were reversed and it was her mom. I was finally able to talk to my mom during a break enough to calm her down some, and fortunately she did and then pretty much forgot about the whole incident. As I have mentioned before, I think this illness is more draining on us than her. She was better this weekend but still had some left over rancor, fortunately the fact that it was Mother's Day and my birthday helped some to mitigate the issue. On the flip side of the coin, I met some great people during my orientation and we even managed to have some fun in "class", I am really pumped about my new job as well as excited about the company. I am sure that not only is this going to be a success on a personal level but that somehow will be able to help others, I hope I am able to bring some other friends on board.

Learning...

I think a huge part of the process with my mom is for me to learn how to deal with her illness. While the medicines have helped tremendously, I think part of it is also for me to be able to let things go instead of arguing about it or trying to correct her. Many of the arguments we had at the beginning were because she would say something against my wife or make up something she had done and I felt I had to make sure she knew that was not the case. Now I realize it is better to make a comment in a way that she does not find offensive but to let it go as she will most likely forget the whole thing within the hour. In a way this illness is harder on us than it is on her as most of the time she does not realize what is going on but we do and it is hard to see my mom and yet it not be her entirely. I guess on the positive side, it is not an illness where she is suffering or in pain and it is more on me and my family to be learn to deal with it...

Faith

I know that as bad as things are with my mom, there is a reason for this, this is what God wanted. I think that without the illness she would have not moved in with us and looking at the silver lining here, now at least not only does she spend more time with us but in particular with my son, instead of only seeing her for a couple of hours on the weekends. I was reminded of this as recently I was glad to reconnect with a friend from high school who is in Chicago and he was telling me that although they went through some rough times with an accident their oldest son had, they know that made them stronger as a family. I have always believed in that, no matter how bad something seems, there is good that comes out of it as it is what God intended for us...

Strange comments

One thing I have noticed lately from my mom is she keeps making these comments about things she notices like she remembers but I know it is not the case. For example, we will be driving down the road and she will see someone walking and say "That man is always walking there at this time", well, seeing how we usually don't go down that street and at that time, I know it is the first time she has seen that man walking there. I noticed it first one day we went to the park, I usually ask her if she wants to go walking when I go running and she saw two older ladies walking and said the same thing "those ladies are always walking here at this time" and that time I thought maybe she did remember as we usually go around the same time to the same park, and maybe I just had not seen the ladies before. But then I did notice she started making the same comments regardless of where we were and who she saw. I wonder if it is a way for her to tell herself she does remember things. I, of course, don't comment on it or tell her that is not the case...

Another comment she made was the other night, she said she has been hearing the Ave Maria at night, like a chorus singing it. Again, I have not contradicted her but rather told her maybe it was the neighbors in the back playing some music that sounded like it.

13th anniversary

In a couple of weeks it will be the 13th anniversary of my dad's death. I am hoping it doesn't hit my mom too hard. As it turns out I will be starting my new job that week and returning late that night from NY so won't even have time to spend with her. For some reason the past couple of years the anniversaries have been very tough for me, I think it is because of my son, I know how much my dad would have loved him and love being around him and how much my son would also enjoy him. But I think more than ever that makes up my determination for the family to move to Madrid, not only what we have been planning on for years but I know that is what my dad would have wanted.

My wife

I am very lucky to have such a supporting wife, through all the changes and transition she has been more calm than me and I know I would not have been able to stay sane if it wasn't for her. For some reason the Alzheimer's has caused my mom to take up against her, I have read it is a common thing to all of a sudden for the patient to lash against a loved one. And my wife was the lucky chosen one ;)